Hey, there. AmyK here.

We’ve all heard of the Dark Night of the Soul—that harrowing journey through emotional suffering, confusion, and despair preventing you from getting a good night’s sleep.

But what if you’re more accurately experiencing a Dark Night of Your Ego?

Hmmm …

Suppose that last thrashing of thoughts and sheets you experienced at 3am was because the very structures your Ego built to feel safe and stay in control were suddenly threatened.

Perhaps your …

--- sense of identity was in limbo,

--- sense of worthiness was cracking,

--- sense of success—often rooted in external validation and control— was starting to feel icky or meaningless.

Then the thrashing wasn’t about your Soul --- it was about an unhealthy, unhappy Ego that feared its own dissolution.

What do I mean?

First, the Ego gets a bad rap and isn’t all bad.

It’s really not some villain out to sabotage you at every turn. It actually spends a great deal of its efforts protecting you. Second, your Ego, when healthy and integrated, serves a positive role by providing you with the confidence and boundaries you need to thrive.

But it has its good days and bad days. [or nights in this case!]

When it’s weak or unhealthy, it tries to keep you small and stuck in outdated patterns of thinking focused on lack, attachment, control and criticism.

​

4 Common Ways Your Ego Hijacks You at 3 a.m.

It’s the middle of the night, and instead of dreaming, you’re drowning. Your Ego has you in its grip, dragging you through its favorite traps:

1. Shame Spirals:

• The Ego loves replaying your past mistakes like a broken record, insisting you’ll never be good enough.
• The tape loops until you’re overwhelmed with doubt, self-loathing and/or massive regret. Remember that time when you were really impatient and lost your cool … and again, when …

2. Control Fixation:

• The Ego convinces you that everything must be managed perfectly.
• It bombards you with a frantic list of things you can’t control and whispers that unless you handle it all flawlessly, everything will fall apart. Remember that time you didn’t check your list twice and it all crashed and burned …

3. Attachment Anxiety:

• The Ego clings tightly to people, outcomes, or identities, terrified of losing what feels essential to your worth.
• It convinces you that if you’re not accepted, praised, or validated by others, you’re unworthy. Remember that last transition that was so painfully awkward … and who would you be without …

4. Relentless Criticism:

• The Ego’s voice becomes a ruthless inner critic, pointing out every perceived flaw and inadequacy.
• It tells you that no matter what you do, you’ll never be enough. And it has lots of examples to ensure you get this message. Remember back in 1994 when you said that idiotic thing … and again, just last month when you should have …

So. Not. Helpful.

Imagine instead...

1) Shifting from Shame to Compassion:

• Placing your hand on your heart, breathing deeply, and saying, “I forgive myself. I am human … I am learning and growing and doing better as I go. Life is hard, and I choose to love myself through it all.”

2) Shifting from Control to Flow:

• Placing your hand on your heart, breathing deeply, and whispering, “I release the weight of controlling. I lighten my grip and surrender to the unfolding and unexpected moments of peace, knowing I can face what’s ahead.”

3) Shifting from Attachment to Detachment:

• Placing your hand on your heart, breathing deeply, and declaring:“I am free to love and experience without fear of losing. I trust that what aligns with my highest good will flow effortlessly into my life, and what isn’t meant for me will gently drift away, making space for something even better.”

4) Shifting from Criticism to Empowerment:

• Placing your hand on your heart, breathing deeply, and affirming, “I am enough. I am beautifully imperfect and perfectly me. I choose kindness over judgment.”

This is not about destroying your Ego. [Impossible btw.] It’s about befriending it, integrating it, and then leading & loving from your Heart.

The next time you’re up at three am, and it’s not because you’re going fishing or catching a flight, take a moment to consciously shift out of your Ego and into your Heart.

You’re only one breath away from a lil more Self-love.

And more love is exactly what’s needed to ease your Ego-infused suffering.

Hugs,

AmyK

....

P.S. Looking for an exceptionally brilliant Ego to Heart shift for yourself or your leadership team? I invite you to learn more about my retreats. They're life-changing, as Carrie recently experienced: