Hey, there. AmyK here.

Years ago, I attended the funeral of a dear friend’s father.

As we gathered together, the very wise Rabbi reminded us to “Forgive others for they know not what they say. Someone, before this service is over, will say something that will cause you to shake your head.”

He was right. And it didn’t take long.

Within minutes, one of the other daughters stood and declared, “Mom, you were the love of his life.”

This would have been a wonderful sentiment if they had not in fact divorced, and his other wife [of 20+ years] was sitting in the front row as well.

My friend made eye contact with me and smiled a wry, “There you have it.”

We all blunder and stumble or say or text things that come out “wrong.”

We’re human.

What most of us don’t do is address it.

We simply assume the other person meant to be insensitive or uncaring or idiotic. When in truth, it was likely not their intent, just their lack of clear-headed thinking.

Maybe this has happened to you.

You became tongue-tied and were unsure what to say, or perhaps in a moment of your own grief or loss you blurted something awkward. Possibly you’ve replied in a way so as to create an unintended misinterpretation that never occurred to you before you spoke.

It happens.

Here’s what I know really helps, especially when you are on the receiving end of it and someone says something to you that seems inappropriate, out-of-place or just “off.”

Either decide to let it go, because you know the true heart of the person, or address it. Directly. Stop the simmer of misunderstanding from becoming a full-on boil in your own headspace.

The Magical Phrase,

For example, “Hey, it’s not like you to say something so snarky. Did you mean for your words to sting so much?”

Another example:

“Hey, it’s not like you to assign blame. Did you mean to infer I caused this problem?”

What’s so great about this Magical Phrase is it addresses your concern without assuming the other person had mal intent. They may simply need awareness, and then your forgiveness, because they sincerely “knew not how they came across.”

AND … if they were poking the tiger or creating mischief on purpose, you’ve called them on it.

On the other hand, if you decide to let their faux pas go, replace your rumination with the Magical Phrase,

Seeing yourself in them softens the energy and ignites forgiveness.

Either way -- addressing it with them directly or with yourself silently -- you’re clearing the air and your headspace … so you can quickly move back into your heart space.

To giving ourselves and others the grace to be human and using a few Magical words to help us along the way.

Hugs,

AmyK